Slam Dumb's (Fake) Interview with Magic Johnson
SD: Thanks for joining us, Magic. It's an honor.
Magic: Glad to be here!
SD: So, how do you think the Christmas game went for the Lakers?
Magic: It was embarrassing. I haven't been this ashamed of my team since that whole buttrape incident.
SD: Right. How did you feel while watching the game?
Magic: I felt a lot like I did when I contracted HIV.
SD: You mean, it felt like cheating on your wife with a bunch of Thai hookers?
Magic: No, I meant when I found out I contracted HIV. The Thai hookers were awesome.
SD: So, if the game went that badly, why are you still smiling?
Magic: I'm always smiling.
SD: But why?
Magic: Well, it's a well known fact that it takes less muscles to smile than to frown, so it was easier to design a full-time smiling mechanism than any other type of physical emotion system.
Magic: Physical emotion system. It helps me look human.
SD: Wait? Are you a robot or something?
Magic: Yes, I am a robot.
SD: No way? That's impossible!
Magic: What are you talking about? I contracted HIV almost 20 years ago. Me still being alive would be impossible.
SD: That's a good point, I guess.
Magic: Yeah. I died like two years after Freddie Mercury, who refused to have his memories and personality put into a cybernetic body.
SD Interesting. Getting back to basketball, though, how do you feel about the Laker's chances now?
Magic: Based on their performance lately, they have a 32.6% chance of winning.
SD: That's still pretty high.
Magic: Does not compute!!
SD: Huh? What?
Magic: Ha! Just screwing with you, dude.
SD: So, you're not a robot?
Magic: I am, but robots don't say stupid shit like 'does not compute'. We're not retarded.
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Hope all of you are enjoying your holidays (even you bastard Laker fans)!